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It’s been a while

I’m terrible at updating blogs that I start.

Maybe that’s an indication of my ability to follow-through on projects that I start. To be fair, though, it has been a hectic lot of months since I last wrote something here.

You see, applying for graduate school is absolutely excruciating, and takes all of the spare time that I have between working, eating, and sleeping. There are transcripts, test scores, writing samples, personal statements, and letters of recommendation to wrangle, not to mention the tedium of actually giving schools all of your information; and the expense of the fees.

I estimate that it’s cost over $1000 between all of the test, transcript, and application fees I’ve incurred.

I’m doing it to try and move forward in life, towards a purpose and a career, and I have no guarantee that it will pan-out at all. I applied to three rather prestigious schools even though on paper I look less than prestigious (though certainly not dumb.)

I’ve already heard back from one of them, and it was a no-go. Of course this triggered all kinds of worry and anxiety about the future, where I’ll go, what I’ll do if I don’t get in anywhere.

But, there’s nothing I can do to control the admissions process besides put my best foot forward, and that’s what I’ve done this year. The rest will end up as it supposed to be. Now it’s easier to write that than it is to believe it, but I’m trying so very hard.

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An Ode to Procrastination

A little something I wrote last summer about 40 minutes before a creative writing class:

Why did I wait?
Until it was too late;
To write a poem,
Here alone,
Surrounded by books
Toiling in the nooks.
When I look down,
I read you and frown.
Though I love you dearly,
I can see it clearly:
You’re half-baked at best,
Last-minute like the rest.

~ Me

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City Lights

There’s something magical about cityscapes that absolutely enchants me. Growing up in pastoral surroundings, I always dreamed of one day moving to a metropolitan area and  being able to live amongst the ocean of energy that is a city.

Cities are so fascinating. The lights remind me that there is always someone awake, at any given hour, you are not the only one going about life.

You can be totally alone, isolated, and yet still surrounded by a million other souls.

👇This picture below👇 reminds me of an alchemical axiom: “As Above, So Below. As Below, So Above.” It basically is remarking on the essence of the concept that the microcosm reflects the macrocosm, and vice-versa. This picture is, I think, an example of that. From above, the city looks like a microchip. That pervasive yet invisible driver of electrons and lives that is omnipresent in our daily lives.

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What an exciting place to be, what a world to live in. The prairie of pavement, the concrete jungle, the sea of electrons and souls.

Just meandering through my thoughts. I’d originally published a much more eloquent post about this, but it disappeared somehow. Go figure.

This one gets the same basic gist across.

 

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Making Treasured Memories

When you do something, you should burn yourself completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself.

~ Shunryu Suzuki

The other day, I had a thought. It wasn’t necessarily a novel thought, and perhaps not as profound as others, but it’s been echoing in my mind:

I never know which memories are going to be the ones I treasure most fondly. I most certainly don’t think about it while I’m making them. Sometimes, when I look back on a time in my life with nostalgia, I wish that I had lived those moments more fully, and appreciated them for what they were at the time.

Memories are good. They are always there, some fuzzier than others; the ones that I love the most though, I wish I’d had a clearer lens to capture them with.

Constantly living in the past or future-tripping is not necessarily the best for my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. I want to be in the present as much as I can going forward. When I do this, I clear away the dust of the past/future from my lens and see with open eyes what’s happening before me. Then, when I inevitably choose to look backward, I can know with a sound mind and heart that I saw these moments clearly, and lived them fully.

You never know which memories will be your favorites. So create better, fuller, more rich memories by living in the present with the intention of taking full advantage of what’s before you.

That’s all.

Did you really read this far?..or did you drift off to some far-away moment?

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Hit the Books

Sooooo, it’s that time of year, when academia comes crawling back into people’s lives. I’ve been out of the game for a while, and I’m feeling the struggle overcoming inertia. Studying for standardized tests puts knots in my stomach; these things are unpleasant by design.

I’ve got a stack of study guides to wade through that’s literally 7 inches tall. Yes, I’ve measured the stack, because that’s easier to spend time doing than actually wading through the pages.

Standardized tests get me worked up…how cruel is it to design a test that purposely messes with you?

God, I really want to get into grad school though. There’s something so safe and comforting about the routines of school to me. I’m curious, a learner, by nature…it’d be like coming home after a long trip…

…and what a weird, long, strange trip it’s been.

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Who knows?

Who knows what life has in store for us? Who knows where it’s all going? I certainly don’t. Feeling a bit listless these days; the grind is real. Physically I’m alright, but I’ve been mentally stagnating for a hot minute.

I don’t really know what the point of this post is except to put something out there. If you’re reading this, I don’t know how you got here or why you’re really here. Welcome, we’re all quite mad.

Madness is the order of the day.

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First World Problems

I’m bordering on the edge of sheer panic right now. My phone isn’t charging right! It started slowly, gradually: at first, it wouldn’t charge in my car, popping in an out of connection with the adapter. I thought it might’ve been an issue with the aging cord I use (after all, it was still working when I plugged it in at home). Inevitably though, over the last week or so, it has gotten to the point now where it will only charge when I hold the plug a little to the left, with down-pressure, which results in me resting it in the most awkward positions in an attempt to get it to stay connected to the charger. 

This is the sort of crazy I’m dealing with here ☝️

And, of course, trying to get it fixed is a tedious process because it’s hard to find time when you’re working a 9-5 to slip in a repair appointment…and then there’s the worry about, “what if they take my phone…even for a day? Hell, even for an hour?”

I’ve become attached to my phone. It’s my lifeblood connection to the Net. It has me in its grasp because I always have it within mine. Our phones have absolutely become extensions of ourselves. They’re little computers that remember things we can’t, tell us where to go, when to show up, how to do this and that…and life in the post-post-modern age’s flow of absurdity is hardly possible without one.

My OCD flares up so badly at the idea of keeping my batteries charged. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m just naturally the kind of person who wants things topped-off, or if the anxiety about running out of juice and losing some electronic functionality for a day has driven me there. It’s kind of a chicken or an egg sort of thing.

That being said, my thoughts today drifted toward me taking a little mental inventory about how many batteries I have to charge to keep my daily routine going:

– Computer (my home workstation, to coordinate my networked ecosystem)
– Tablet (my workstation away from my workstation)
– Phone (my cyberbrain, my constant companion)
– Watch (to keep me on time and track all my movement 😳)
– Bluetooth speaker (for tunes at work)
– Bluetooth headphones (for when I don’t wanna share my tunes)
– Camera (for when the cyberbrain just won’t do)
– E-Cig (which fuels both my addiction to nicotine and my addiction to electricity)
– Power Bank (just in case!)

These are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Every night before I go to bed, I make sure to have all of these lovelies plugged in and ready for the popomo challenges that lie ahead of me.

Can someone please just invent a better battery already?

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The Late Night TV Landscape

I’m so curious about how the Late Night TV landscape here in the U.S. has evolved since it began in the 50s. Think I’ll do some poking around here and see what emerges.

I’m curious to see how hosts get to where they are, how ‘lines of succession’ pan-out. It seems as though it can be an aggressive and, at times, cut-throat business to reach a seat behind a desk at an 11:30pm slot.

How the hell did Jimmy Fallon come to inherit Johnny Carson’s crown? How long will he last? Who will be next?
Is it possible to get an idea of which direction the late-night field will shift in the coming years? How will this effect the narratives surrounding satire and the discussion of politics in the public’s eye in years to come? What do the ratings-battles look like over time?

Let’s get some stats, numbers, data, etc. in here and take a gander!
A little bit of research and analysis in this area could be fruitful, it not amusing 🙃

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Why should I care?


Short answer: you really shouldn’t. I’m glad you’re here anyway 🙇

I don’t know how you got here, or what you’re expecting, and to be honest: the same goes for me; but here we are. This place is just an online repository for my half-baked thoughts; some will be interesting, most won’t. The writing won’t be polished or perfect by any means, if I wanted it to be, it would never end up here. Take what you like, and leave the rest.

👌🙏